And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. Bless her heart. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! Fyrebyrd2 I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. Jess of CGW We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. Life is unfair. But again the adoption makes that all moot. Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. What a door mat you are! April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case.
13 Honest Reasons Guys Think About Their Ex After A Breakup - YourTango Chuck Pelto That isnt the case. If the woman is not required to support a child So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! She trapped him? i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. REALLY?! Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. And that isnt fair either. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Doesnt interest me. You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child.
Fix Your Communication Problem. The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. That support is not hers. It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. No. April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. All magically on the pill? Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. Always follow your gut and your instincts. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. It takes a man to be a father. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. End. You have to give up one or the other. only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created.. Where does the stork fit in? . So, let it be over. Its fucking unfair. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? Even if she was lying about being on birth control. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A
How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Trap Red Flag #1. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. 1) Like it or not, men have one point where they can decide whether or not to risk becoming parents (ie before sex, they choose the degree of risk based on what, if any, precautions they take). You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time.
Wrong. Because he had sex? April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. P.S. Thanks for the clarification. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. Do you have any other questions? Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. The guy has not opted out of a childs life. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Theres a fun scenario. Dr. Sherry. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. Its always someone elses fault. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis.
Tristan Is Expecting a Baby With a Woman He Allegedly Cheated on Khlo Yes, its shitty. Therefore, why are you depressed? Im not saying he did. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. You are too funny John. Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. Move on. She wants to live in a dorm with her friends and no way is she missing weeks of school to give birth. Problem. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A
Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Couples break up for many reasons. There was a reason for that. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. Well, ok. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. Jimmy has made his choice. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Exactly. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. Woah. Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. Run like the wind. It takes two to make a baby. But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. But it happened. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. SpaceySteph Its not that fucking hard. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. I dont feel like his decision to not be involved in his biological childs life makes him an immature asshole. Just reduces the chances. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. I dont care. You can look at it like women are lucky- they can opt out at the last minute! SweetsAndBeats Is it 100% fair to men or women? April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. We all know that going in. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. bittergaymark 10. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. It is scummy though. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. How fast his new relationship is moving. Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? Admirable restraint indeed. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. Nothing in the story suggests that the guy in question was, as you put it, indiscriminate in partner choice and/or birth control. Jimmy and Susie are in love. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. REALLY? reader, iz07a+, writes (11 March 2010): A
But really, no one knows his true reaction. He is not the end all and be all.
We Broke Up; He Had a Baby. Less than a year after our breakup, my But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. Heres a thought experiment for you: His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). His? female
I think that is fair. Imagine the following scenarios. Its a difficult question. Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. Yes, he had unprotected sex. And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. from the letter: Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Or you think that landygirl does that? How about equal right for, you know, everyone? lets_be_honest Susie can do what she wants but he wants nothing to do with it.
Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments | Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments | By Shukla And oxygen. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. Not a double standard at all. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! honeybeenicki I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. Malarky. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. At conception there is a zygote, then an embryo and then a fetus. Mostly for the kid though, I think. He let you go. Bottom line. You already have something that will tie you to her for minimum 18 years. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): A
Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all? That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up.
You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. Sure, lots of people take those chances. I know it is hard since you love this guy to see how reprehensible he is. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. It was unplanned and a . im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Best of luck. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? Run as if your life depends on it because it does. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. Its not a comparable situation at all. . Ill never leave you. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Steve Kellmeyer But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. He should have taken more precautions. By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Or so so many of you all keep saying. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. having sex with someone you dont know that well. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. Men this means condom. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. It is possible to get pregnant on the pill if you dont take it at the same time everyday, so maybe use backup protection if youre fucking someone you dont know? The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat.